


Minds Over Matter

by jetplane



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Disabled Character, Flashbacks, Injury Recovery, Kidnapping, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-01-21 12:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 18,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21299369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetplane/pseuds/jetplane
Summary: An unsub takes Reid. After months of searching, the team finally manages to recover their missing genius. But nothing is ever easy with the BAU.(all pairings with Spencer can be read as either romantic or platonic)
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/William LaMontagne Jr.
Comments: 42
Kudos: 297





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> note: This story will contain a lot of Reid/Morgan (and some Reid/JJ and Reid/Hotchner) interactions that are intended to be mostly platonic, but could be read in a romantic way. You can choose how to interpret them.

“Spence?” JJ called out, pressing her body against the wall. She held her breath for a moment, hoping to hear her friend’s voice. But there was nothing. “Spence, are you in there?” She hesitantly reached out to the doorknob and turned it. It was unlocked.

JJ glanced over her shoulder at Hotchner, who remained fixed to the wall. She gave him a quick shake of her head. _It’s open_, she mouthed.

Hotch turned behind him to Morgan, gesturing for him to step in front of him. JJ and Morgan counted silently together, guns at the ready. Three. Two. One. JJ threw open the door, and they both plunged into Reid’s apartment. They scanned the area quickly. “Clear!” Morgan announced. 

The rest of the team, all armed as well, followed them inside. In pairs, they efficiently checked each room. There was no sign of him in the living room, or kitchen, or bathroom. No trace of anything out of the ordinary until Emily and JJ entered Reid’s bedroom.

“Hotch,” Emily called out immediately, pushing JJ out of the room before she could get a good look. He appeared in the room almost instantly, the rest of the team hot on his heels. Hotch took one look at the room, and his face hardened.

“Everyone out of the room,” he ordered. He ushered Emily out of the room gently but firmly, blocking the others from getting a glimpse of the scene. “Rossi, call Quantico and tell them we need techs on scene right now.”

“Hotch, what is it?” Morgan asked as his heart crawled into his throat. “What’s in the kid’s room?” He tried to push forward to peer inside Reid’s room, but Emily’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Morgan,” she warned softly. Her eyes filled with tears. “You don’t want-“ A sob escaped from her mouth before she could stop herself, and she clapped her hand over her mouth as she tried to stifle her cries.

“Is he-is he…” Derek couldn’t even bring him to ask if Reid was still alive. “Is he in there?”

Emily shook her head silently. He allowed himself to feel an instant of relief. There was a chance that Reid was still alive. But from Emily’s reaction and the look on Hotch’s face, he knew there would be no good news.

“Hotch,” he implored his boss. “Tell us what’s inside the room.”

Aaron Hotchner stared straight ahead, unable to meet anyone’s gaze. He knew he couldn’t protect his team from what was inside the room, just like he couldn’t protect Reid from what had happened there. “There are signs of a struggle,” he began slowly, keeping his voice clinical. He knew he’d never be able to pretend this was any other case, but he had to try. “It looks like an unsub broke in when Reid was in bed. There is a small amount of blood on the sheets, along with…what appears to be semen.”

JJ dove into the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before she vomited. Morgan let out a yell of anger and took a wild swing with his fist. Rossi caught it before either his hand or the door could sustain any damage. Shaking with barely controlled rage, Morgan allowed Rossi to lower his hand slowly. The older man patted his shoulder softly.

“I’m going to kill whoever did this to him,” Morgan vowed under his breath. “I’m going to make this bastard wish he-" 

“Morgan,” Hotch warned. “I know this is difficult for you, but we all need to remain as focused as possible. Reid needs us thinking clearly if we’re going to find him.”

JJ stumbled out of the bathroom as she wiped her mouth, her eyes red and watery. “He’s right, Morgan,” she uttered almost inaudibly, leaning against the frame of the door for support. “Reid needs us.”

“And we won’t rest until we find him,” Rossi promised.


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost a year after Reid's disappearance, the BAU is still looking for their missing genius.

** _Eleven months later..._ **

Morgan stared glumly at the stack of paperwork on his desk. After having put off almost all his work for so long, he knew he was in for either a long night of work or a long lecture from the chief. With a sigh, he pulled the top folder off the pile and grabbed a pen. The agent opened the folder and began to read. He made it through all of two sentences before tossing the file back on his desk. He looked up at the clock on the wall. 11:38 pm.

Derek looked around at his coworkers, who wore identical anxious expressions. “It’s almost the end of the day,” he said, giving voice to what every member of the BAU was thinking. “The unsub’s never been this late before.”

A week after Reid’s disappearance, the unsub had contacted the team for the first time. Garcia had received an email with a photo of Reid, bound and gagged in a dimly lit room. The team had scoured it tirelessly, but ultimately come no closer to finding their agent than before. The next week, an envelope with Reid’s bloodstained credentials had been mailed to Hotch. Like clockwork, each week after that had concluded with some awful gift from Reid’s kidnapper. As painful as it was for the team, they held onto each week’s contact with the unsub like a lifeline. It gave them hope that their friend might still be alive.

After several months had gone by without getting any closer to finding Reid, the team had been forced to start taking on new cases. Still, they refused to give up on their coworker. Every spare moment was dedicated to him, in one way or another. When the semen in Reid’s room came up without a match, Garcia took it upon herself to break into every database of genetic material (legally available to her or not) in the hopes of identifying the DNA. Morgan kept the unsub’s photos of Reid on his bedside table, desperately hoping that one day he’d be able to wake up and find the answers to their questions. Will quit his job to allow JJ to take increasingly risky attempts to find Spencer, quietly accepting that he’d rather lose his wife to her work than her grief.

“There’s still time,” Emily tried to reassure the others, although her heart wasn’t in it. “He’s probably just doing this to stress us out.” The subtext was clear: it was working.

The seconds ticked by, turning to minutes. The team stole glances at the clock when they thought no one was looking, pretending to work in the moments between. When the clock struck twelve, Derek lost the ability to keep his composure.

“Something’s not right,” he announced to the team. “I’m going to the kid’s apartment.”

“Morgan,” Rossi cautioned.

“What? We have to do something,” Morgan said, looking around at the others. “I can’t just sit here and…” He trailed off.

“I know,” JJ sympathized. “But we-“

She didn’t get to finish her thought. Just then, Hotch threw open the door to his office and stormed out. “Everyone, get in the jet now. Wheels up in five.”


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch gives the team new information on Reid's status, and they discover the extent of the unsub's sadism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: contains short, non-graphic descriptions of violence and sexual assault, as well as a mention of drugs

“Wheels up in five?” Morgan echoed. “Hotch, what’s going on? Do we have a case?” He hurried out of the room with no response. 

Confused glances were thrown around the room as the agents got to their feet. They were used to being called on cases with little warning, but they always got some sort of briefing. But without any explanation, they did as they were told.

When Hotch arrived on the jet, he was immediately bombarded with questions from all the agents. Where were they going? Did they have a case? What was going on? Why hadn’t they been briefed?

“Everyone, take your seats,” Hotch announced. They did as they were told. As the plane prepared to take off, he began to explain.

“I have something to say, but I need all of you to remain calm until I’ve finished. Is that alright?” Everyone nodded in agreement. “They found Reid in Nevada. He’s alive.”

Cries of jubilation, tears of relief, and endless desperate questions filled the air. It took a moment for the team to collect themselves enough to let Hotch continue.

“Four days ago, a house fire was reported just outside of Las Vegas. When firefighters entered, they found Reid trapped in the basement,” Hotch continued.

“Four days ago?” Morgan asked in disbelief. “Why didn’t they contact us sooner?”

“Reid was badly injured when they found him. Doctors had to put him on a ventilator because of smoke inhalation, and burns on his hands prevented them from getting any usable fingerprints. He was only able to identify himself as an agent just now. Hospital officials contacted the FBI as soon as he did, and they connected him back to us right away.”

“Is he going to be okay?” JJ asked. “Do they know what happened to him?”

Hotch averted his gaze. “He still hasn’t been able to speak due to the ventilator, so firsthand information from him is very limited. However, the fire department found a collection of videos that appear to have been taken by the unsub. They sent everything they could to us, but…” He took a breath and composed himself. “There’s nothing good in there.”

The team didn’t have to ask him to show the footage. No matter how bad it was, they needed to see it. They needed to know what Spencer had been through. With a reluctant hand, Hotch started the first film.

_Reid kneels on a cement floor, hands bound behind his back. A single lightbulb hangs above his head, illuminating the otherwise dark concrete cell. The sound of a door opening can be heard, and Reid looks up to see the unsub, a man with a mask covering his face, walk in. In his hand is a whip. Without a word, he raises his arm and brings it down onto Reid’s bare skin. The young man screams, falling face-first onto the ground as a bleeding gash opens up on his back. He continues to cry out as he is beaten again and again. _

_Spencer lies on his back on the floor of the cell, wrists and ankles enclosed by shackles that chain him to the floor with little room to move. The unsub enters again, wielding a knife, and Reid closes his eyes. The unsub uses his knife to cut off Reid’s shirt, tossing it away carelessly. Then, he holds the blade carefully to his captive’s wrist. Reid struggles as a straight cut is made across his wrist. Blood drips from the wound as the unsub makes another cut parallel to the first, just a few inches up his arm. Then he does so again. The video doesn’t end until Reid is lying in a pool of his own blood, both arms covered in endless cuts. _

_Reid huddles in a corner of his cell, knees pulled to his chest. He’s lost a lot of weight, and it’s clear that he’s exhausted, but Spencer is trying desperately not to fall asleep. When he finally nods off, he is only granted a moment of rest before being startled awake. The unsub storms in, holding a pistol in one hand and a small box in the other. He hands the box to the prisoner, who opens it with shaking hands. Inside is a syringe and a vial of Dilaudid. Reid shakes his head vigorously. The unsub raises his gun, pressing it to the agent’s forehead. He refuses again, and his captor pulls the trigger. Reid’s whole body shudders, but nothing happens. He takes back his drugs and shoves the gun into his pocket as he leaves the room. _

_The young doctor wears a blindfold. He is stripped naked by the unsub and then forced to lie face-down on a mattress on the floor. The unsub places his foot on Reid’s back to prevent him from getting up as he removes his own pants. Reid is held down and repeatedly violated from behind. Blood drips down his thighs and stains the mattress, but the unsub continues. When he is finally done, the unsub walks out and locks the door behind him. Reid pulls off his blindfold and cries. _

_Dr. Reid crouches next to the door. When the unsub walks in, he runs at him and tackles the man to the ground with surprising strength. The two men struggle, and Reid manages to throw his captor to the ground. He takes off running towards the door. He’s seconds from getting free when the unsub reaches him and pins him against a wall by the throat. He lifts Spencer’s bony frame and smiles as his captive struggles. It’s only when he goes limp with unconsciousness that the unsub lets his body fall to the ground. _

_Ropes hold Reid’s hands behind his back as he stands alone in the center of his dark room. He doesn’t react as the unsub walks in, holding a gun in each hand. The unsub kicks Reid in the back, and he stumbles forward. He is roughly forced onto his knees, and then to a face-down position on the floor. Reid trembles as the barrel of a gun is pressed into the back of his legs. Then, the unsub pulls the triggers. Spencer screams as bullets tear through his knees. As blood pools on the floor, Reid somehow manages to free his hands from his bindings. He grabs desperately at his injured legs, trying to stop the bleeding as best he can. The unsub watches all of this with no visible reaction. _

Hotch looked to his shocked team. “How- how many more videos did he take?” JJ asked shakily, unsure if she wanted to hear the answer.

“They found close to two hundred films,” Hotch replied. “Some were destroyed or damaged by the fire. These are just a few of the ones that survived.”

“Two hundred?” Garcia asked in disbelief. The supervisor nodded grimly.

“So this bastard hurt Reid almost every day,” Morgan muttered. “And he filmed himself doing it like the kid was some kind of damn spectacle. Probably watched them for entertainment, too.” His hands shook with rage. If he didn’t have his seatbelt on, Morgan probably would’ve gotten up and hit something.

“We profiled the unsub as a sadist, but this is something else…” Rossi trailed off. “How does anyone go on after something like this?”

“Spencer is incredibly strong,” Hotch reassured his team. “He’s going to need our help, but he can get through this.”

A thought suddenly crossed Emily’s mind. “What about the unsub?” she asked. “Is he in custody? 

Hotch shook his head. “He was nowhere to be found when they rescued Reid from the fire.”

“So he’s still out there?” JJ asked. “What if he comes after Reid again?" 

“We have agents stationed outside of his room,” Hotch replied. “No one gets in or out unless they’re part of his medical team, and everyone has to be approved.”

“Has he been able to tell us anything about the unsub?” Morgan asked.

Hotch shook his head again. “Local law enforcement tried to question him when he first arrived at the hospital, but he went into a panic and had to be sedated. They’ve kept him pretty heavily medicated since then. I requested that he be disturbed as little as possible until we arrive.”

“How bad are his injuries?” Emily asked. “Physically, I mean.”

“His condition is serious,” Hotch admitted. “The doctors have him on a ventilator to help his lungs heal from the smoke damage, and he also has numerous older injuries that appear to have been inflicted by the unsub.” Seeing the team’s concerned expressions, he quickly continued. “Reid’s stable. That’s a good thing. And we’re all going to be right by his side as he heals.”

He checked his watch. “We’ll be landing in a couple hours. In the meantime, I recommend that everyone get some rest. I want you all to be focused when we land.”

Everyone nodded unconvincingly, muttering words of agreement. The rest of the flight was spent in anguished silence.


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team reaches Las Vegas and gets to see Reid for the first time.

JJ looked out at the Las Vegas skyline as the team drove to the hospital. “I can’t believe it,” she murmured. “All this time, he was so close to home.”

Morgan shook his head. “The son of a bitch who took him probably did it on purpose.”

“Morgan,” Hotch warned. “Focus. You’re not going to be any help to Reid if you can’t keep yourself together.” Morgan nodded, slightly taken aback by the rebuke.

Unfazed, Hotch detailed his plan to the team. “JJ, I’d like for you to talk to Reid first. Rossi and I will see if we can get any more information from local law enforcement that will help us with the profile, and Garcia will be working with the tech analysts. Emily and Morgan will take the first shift guarding Reid from outside his room. There are already several agents assigned to him 24/7, but I’d like for us to be there as well. Everyone understand? Any questions?”

Everyone shook their heads except for JJ. As the car stopped, and everyone climbed out, she held back a moment to speak with her boss.

“Sir, can I ask why you want me to go in first?” JJ ventured. Although she was as desperate to see Reid as anyone else, she was confused by the choice. With Hotch being in charge of the team, she’d assumed he would want to go in first.

“Spencer has always trusted you,” he replied simply. “And given what he’s been through, I think it might help to have a female presence.”

“I understand,” she said. Of course that made sense. He’d been tortured by a man for months. It would take him a long time to learn to trust others again.

The team met a group of FBI agents. One of them, a tall man with dark hair, spoke up. “Hello, I’m Agent Michael Davidson,” he introduced himself. “I assume you are the BAU?”

“Yes,” Hotch replied. “My name is SSA Aaron Hotchner, and these are agents Rossi, Prentiss, Jareau, Morgan, and Garcia.”

Agent Davidson nodded. “It’s nice to meet you all, although I wish it were under better circumstances.”

“Thank you,” Hotch responded. “Could you take us to see our agent?”

“Of course,” Davidson replied. He gestured behind him. “This way, please.” The team followed him down a hallway. As they approached Reid’s room, they were stopped by a woman in a white coat.

“Are you here for Mr. Reid?” she asked.

“Dr. Reid,” Hotch corrected automatically. He pulled his credentials out of his pocket and showed them to the doctor, and the others all did the same. “I’m Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. Dr. Reid is one of my agents.”

She nodded. “Of course. My name is Lisa Anderson. I’m one of the doctors who has been caring for Dr. Reid.”

“We’d like to see him, please,” Hotch requested.

Dr. Anderson nodded again. “His room is right down this hallway.” She led them to a hospital room at the end of the hall. Two FBI agents stood outside the closed door. Hotch showed his credentials again, and they stepped aside. Hotch peered through the small window into Reid’s room, then motioned for his team to do the same. They crowded around, all trying to get a glimpse of their friend.

“He looks so small,” Emily whispered in shock. The patient in the room was barely recognizable as the young genius who had once been a part of the BAU.

“What are all the tubes and machines for?” Morgan asked.

Anderson glanced into the room, then back at the BAU agents. “Dr. Reid suffered from acute smoke inhalation,” the doctor explained. “He’s been intubated and placed on a ventilator to allow his lungs to heal, and he has a feeding tube to combat the effects of his malnutrition and dehydration. We also have him on a course of IV antibiotics to prevent infection.”

“Is he in pain?” Hotch asked.

The doctor’s eyes were compassionate as she gave a small nod. “Dr. Reid’s hands were badly burned, and he also has numerous broken bones. Some seem to be new, others are in various stages of remodeling. He’s been sedated for most of his time here, but he requested to be weaned off the sedation as soon as he could communicate. He’s also refused all opioids.”

Hotch nodded. “I’d like for Agent Jareau to speak with him. Would that be possible?”

Dr. Anderson looked at Hotch, then at JJ. “He’s been asking for his team. I think that would be good for him, but please be gentle.” JJ nodded, and Hotch motioned for her to proceed. With shaking hands, JJ stepped forward to enter Reid’s room.

“Wait,” Emily blurted out suddenly. JJ spun around to face her friend, who pointed to her waist.

JJ’s hand went to her gun automatically, and she suddenly recalled the videos of the unsub threatening her friend. Hurriedly, she removed the holster and handed it to Hotch, who gave her a nod. She glanced around at the rest of the agents, silently wondering if she’d forgotten something else. When no one else spoke up, JJ took a deep breath to compose herself. Then, she turned to enter her friend’s room.


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ talks to Reid.

Reid’s eyes snapped open as the door squeaked open. His gaze darted around, a panicked expression on his face.

“Spence?” JJ whispered. She wanted nothing more than to run up to her friend and throw her arms around him, but she restrained herself. “Spence, it’s JJ. I’m here.”

His eyes met hers, and a tear rolled down Reid’s cheek. He tried to reach out to her with one of his heavily bandaged arms, but immediately recoiled from the pain.

“It’s okay,” JJ said in a low voice. She walked slowly towards Reid as to not startle him, and knelt by his bedside. She had so many things she wanted to say, but no idea how to say them. Despite her best efforts to remain composed, tears began to fill her eyes. After going through months of not knowing what had happened to Reid, she finally had him right in front of her. “I’m sorry,” she finally uttered, gently placing one hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry we didn’t find you sooner. We tried so hard but we just…couldn’t.”

Spencer shook his head slightly. JJ leaned back, confused. What did that mean? Was he upset with her? She followed his gaze to a tablet on his bedside table. JJ picked it up and propped up the device so it was within his reach. He extended his arm to the attached keyboard. Slowly, painstakingly, he tapped the letter I, then the letter T. JJ watched as a message appeared on his screen. ITS OKAY

She shook her head as tears streamed down her face. “No, it’s not okay,” JJ whispered. “We should’ve done more. They made us take other cases…I should’ve fought harder. I-I didn’t do enough. I’m so sorry, Spencer.” She buried her face in her hands.

When she looked back up, Reid had typed another message. NOT YOUR FAULT PLEASE DON’T CRY. JJ saw his pained expression and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized again. “All this time we didn’t know where you were and I was so scared. I missed you so much, Spence.”

Just then, the door opened again. Reid looked nervously at Dr. Anderson as she entered. “It’s okay,” JJ whispered. “You’re safe.”

Dr. Anderson approached the bed slowly. “Hello, Dr. Reid. It’s Dr. Anderson.” Reid’s body relaxed as he recognized his doctor.

“Should I go?” JJ asked uncertainly. Reid quickly shook his head.

“It might be easier on him if you stay,” Dr. Anderson explained. “I’ll be cleaning and debriding his burns, which can be quite painful. Patients usually find it easier to cope with a family member or friend in the room.”

“Okay,” JJ whispered. “Spence, you want me to stay?” He nodded and tapped out another word on his tablet. TALK

“You want me to talk? About what?” A thought crossed her mind. “Do you want to hear about Henry?” Reid’s eyes lit up at the mention of his godson, and JJ could see a flicker of her friend return to her. He nodded eagerly." 

JJ’s hand flew to her back pocket to grab her phone. The young doctor, startled by the sudden movement, squeezed his eyes closed as he shuddered in fear. His whole body shrank back into the bed. On the monitor above his head, JJ could see Reid’s heart rate spike.

“Oh,” JJ breathed, sheepishly returning her hands to where Reid could see them. “Spence, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to show you a picture of Henry...”

Reid remained frozen, eyes closed as his heart continued to pound. Mentally, JJ kicked herself. She should’ve known her movements would scare him. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “You’re safe, Spence. No one can hurt you here.”

Slowly, Reid’s heart rate returned to normal. He hesitantly opened one eye, then the other. “Are you okay, Spence?” JJ ventured. He gave a weak nod, but the spark was gone.

“I’m going to start removing your bandages now, if that’s all right with you,” Dr. Anderson told Reid. He nodded again. Moving slowly, she began to unwrap the bandages on his left hand. Seeing the expression of pain on Reid’s face, she turned to JJ. “Agent Jareau, why don’t you show us those photos?” 

“Of course,” JJ replied. She looked to Spencer. “I’m going to get my phone out of my pocket. I want you to see the pictures I took on his first day of school this year.” With careful, deliberate movements, she extracted her cell phone from her back pocket and turned it on. She scrolled through her photos, selecting one and turning the screen for him to see.

Reid stared at the image, the faintest of smiles showing through his eyes as tears ran down his cheeks. “Henry misses you so much,” JJ told her friend softly. “He asks about you all the time. He’ll be so excited to see you again.” She babbled on about her son as Dr. Anderson worked on Reid’s hands, trying not to think about how she was going to have to explain everything to Henry. When the doctor had finished with Reid’s dressings, both JJ and she breathed a sigh of relief.

Dr. Anderson looked at Reid’s exhausted expression. “You should let him get some rest,” she told JJ. 

JJ looked to Reid for permission. “Spence? Do you want me to go?”

STAY, he typed. 

He didn’t need to ask twice. JJ shook her head at Dr. Anderson and gently pulled up a chair next to Reid’s bedside. “I’m staying with him,” she informed the doctor as she took a seat.

Dr. Anderson nodded. “Of course,” she replied. “I’ll have a nurse check on him in a little while. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” She left the room and closed the door behind her, leaving the two agents alone.

Reid fought to keep his eyes open as JJ watched him. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “I’ll keep you safe.”

Soothed by her words, Reid’s eyes slowly closed. He drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm no good at writing heart-to-hearts, but this Rossi/Hotchner conflict scene just felt right. Let me know what you think.

Hotch peered through the window to Reid’s room, where the young man lay asleep in his hospital bed. JJ sat in a chair nearby, watching over her sleeping friend with a look of fierce protectiveness on her face. He caught her eye and motioned for her to come out. JJ glanced at Reid’s sleeping form, then got up from her chair.

The doctor stirred slightly. “It’s okay,” JJ whispered. “I’m going to update the team. I’ll be right outside.” She crept out of the room silently.

“How’s he doing?” Hotch asked in a low voice.

“I don’t know,” JJ admitted. “He’s trying to stay strong, but I know he must be so scared. When I reached for my phone without telling him, it was like someone flipped a switch and he was just gone." 

Hotch nodded grimly. “Don’t be too hard on yourself,” he reassured her. “None of this is your fault.”

“I know,” she replied quietly, wiping a tear from her eye. “Hotch, he’s just in so much pain and there’s nothing I can do to help him. I feel so useless.”

He put a hand on her shoulder. “JJ, you are helping him. By being here and talking to him, you’re doing more than you know.”

JJ nodded and wiped another tear.

Hotch made eye contact with her. “You know, I was watching you two for a while. When Dr. Anderson started treating his burns, I could tell he was in a lot of pain. But then when you started talking to him, he seemed much more relaxed. What did you say to him?”

The female agent sniffled. “I-I was talking to him about Henry,” she recalled.

Hotch nodded. “You have good instincts, JJ. I need you to know that.”

Her shoulders slumped. Hotch looked at her defeated expression, then glanced into Reid’s room. The young man had fallen back asleep. “Why don’t you take a break?” he suggested.

“No, Hotch,” she protested. “I’m not leaving him.”

“I’m not asking you to leave,” Hotch reassured her. “But he’s asleep now, and you can help him more if you work with Rossi on the profile. Morgan can stay with Reid for a while.”

Reluctantly, JJ nodded. Hotch caught Morgan’s gaze and motioned for him to take JJ’s place in Reid’s room.

“Come on,” Hotch said. He guided JJ down the hallway to meet Rossi and the other FBI agents. “Let’s go help Reid.”

They joined the rest of the team (minus Morgan and Reid) around a hospital conference room. Local police and FBI had taken over the room next door, but the hospital had graciously found the BAU their own space to work.

“How’s Reid?” Garcia immediately asked when she saw JJ enter the room.

“He’s resting,” Hotch replied.

“Was he able to give us any information on the unsub?” Rossi asked.

“He hasn’t been questioned yet,” Hotch replied tersely. “Doctor Anderson tells me he’s barely slept since he was admitted. I don’t want to set back his recovery by pushing him too hard.”

“We need to question him as soon as possible,” Rossi countered. “We have no leads. The longer we wait to talk to Reid, the worse our chances of catching the unsub.”

“I am not risking pushing him over the edge. We should be focusing on building a profile to catch the unsub,” Hotch argued.

“If Reid were here, he’d tell us to interview the victim,” Rossi replied.

“Reid _is_ here and he’s _not_ a victim, Rossi!” Hotch thundered. “Don’t you _ever_ say otherwise!” He slammed his hand down on the table, and the room went silent.

Aaron Hotchner and David Rossi stared at each other in shock. After a moment, Emily stood up. She glared sternly at the feuding men.

“Okay,” Emily announced. “I don’t know what’s going on with the two of you, but it needs to get sorted out right now. Both of you owe Reid that much." 

More silence. Then, Rossi got up from his chair. It looked for a moment as if he was ready to leave the room. But instead, he walked over to the window. He stared out for a long moment before he began to speak.

“Reid amazed me from the moment I met him,” Rossi admitted. “I’d heard that he was brilliant, but actually witnessing it for myself was something else. I’d just come back to the BAU. When I heard Reid talk about profiling for the first time, it was like seeing my life’s work finally come to mean something.”

The profiler shook his head sadly. “Most of the profilers I’ve worked with before are long dead,” he said. “Eventually, their work got to them in one way or another. I…wanted his story to end differently. I wanted to prove that there was someone I hadn’t destroyed.”

Garcia walked over to Rossi and stood next to him. They gazed out the window together for a moment before she spoke. “Sir, you never ruined Reid. He loved you, and he still does,” she told him softly.

Rossi gave a small nod to the analyst. After another moment, Garcia returned to her seat. Rossi followed her. He looked across the table to Hotch, his anger gone. He had confessed, and he was ready to hear his friend’s side of the story.

Hotch took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. He shook his head. “Reid once asked me why Gideon always introduced him as a doctor and not an agent,” he began.

“Because of his age,” JJ answered for him. “Gideon wanted to make sure people took him seriously.”

Hotch nodded. “And we did. Sometimes, I wonder if that was the wrong choice.”

“What do you mean?” Rossi ventured gently.

“He left for college when he was twelve,” Hotch replied. “Almost the same age as Jack is now. And before then, he watched his father leave. He cared for his mother. Did he ever have a chance to be a kid?”

Hotch shook his head. “I just…I always wondered if I pushed him too hard,” he admitted. “Maybe if I’d stopped to think about just how young he was and how much he’d been through. Maybe I could’ve protected him." 

“Hotch,” JJ whispered, amazed by the revelation. “You always told us that it wasn’t our fault. It’s not yours, either.”

He hung his head. “I know,” he said after a long pause. “I know that.”

“We can’t keep blaming ourselves for what happened in the past,” Emily told Hotch. “Maybe one of us could’ve done something differently that would’ve saved Reid. Maybe not. But what’s important now is that we have him back now and he’s not going anywhere. So all of us need to step up and do what’s best for him.” The BAU team nodded in agreement.

“Reid’s asleep right now. We should use this time to work on the profile and get whatever we can out to law enforcement. When he wakes up, one of us can talk to him again. If he’s ready to talk about the unsub, we’ll do an interview. If not, we can wait. It’s up to him.”

“Has he asked about the case yet?” Rossi asked.

JJ shook her head. “I know he’s aware of what’s going on around him, but it’s hard for him to communicate. He has a keyboard to type on, but I can tell it’s difficult for him to use. I didn’t want to push him to say any more than he wanted to.”

“What about his mother?” Emily asked. “Does he…know?

JJ shook her head. ‘He hasn’t asked yet, but I know he’s going to,” she said. “It’ll destroy him if we tell him and it’ll destroy him if we don’t. I don’t know what to say…” 

“You don’t have to tell him,” Hotch reassured her. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “When Reid wakes up, I’ll break the news.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's the news about Diana Reid? You'll see.


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid talks to a therapist. The rest of the team worries.

“So, Dr. Reid, how are you feeling today?”

Reid leaned back in his hospital bed and closed his eyes to avoid looking at his therapist. “I’m doing fine, thank you,” he replied. His voice came out hoarse from a combination of the smoke inhalation, breathing tube (only recently removed), and general lack of use over the past eleven months.

The therapist, Dr. Nichols, raised an eyebrow. He leaned closer to Reid. “Can you elaborate on that for me?”

“I’d prefer not to,” Reid said firmly.

“Dr. Reid, I’m here to help you,” the therapist replied. “Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’d like to talk about, you can tell me about it.”

“And I appreciate that, but it won’t be necessary.” Reid lifted his head just enough to glare at the man sitting at his bedside. “I’m sure you have other patients to help, so please, let me be.”

Reid coughed, then gagged and made a small choking noise. Dr. Nichols hovered over the agent with concern. “Dr. Reid? Are you okay?” Reid waved him off as his coughs rattled his entire body.

“I’m fine,” Reid rasped, falling back onto his pillows. He fumbled with the oxygen mask beside his bed, managing to hold it to his mouth with one bandaged hand. He took a few breaths. “You can go.”

“Dr. Reid, you’ve survived a major trauma. I’m sure you understand that the only way for you to recover from this incident is to work through your feelings and experiences,” Dr. Nichols tried to explain. “You need to acknowledge what you’ve been through.”

“What I’ve been through?” Reid echoed. “I was kidnapped and held captive by a violent psychopath who abused me physically, mentally, and sexually as a means of asserting his control over myself and my team. I have symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and levels of Stockholm syndrome that would be expected from a person in my circumstances.”

He took another breath through his oxygen mask. “Dr. Nichols, I have three PhDs and a decade of experience working with the FBI as a behavioral analyst. I am well aware that my captivity will have long-term effects on my physical and mental health. However, I am more than capable of dealing with those effects on my own. I do not require your services, so kindly leave my room before I throw you out.”

Reid’s body might have been weakened, but his mind and resolve were as strong as they had ever been. Dr. Nichols, wisely choosing not to continue arguing with his patient, nodded and exited the room awkwardly. 

As the therapist strode down the hospital halls, Emily and Morgan exchanged glances. Morgan checked his watch. “Well, that’s a new record,” he offered, trying to make light of the situation.

Emily shook her head. “This is the fifth therapist he’s thrown out,” she said. “He needs to talk to someone about what happened.”

“Maybe he’s just not ready,” Morgan suggested. “It’s barely been a week. He probably just needs more time to process everything that’s happened.”

Emily pressed her lips together. “I don’t think what he needs is _more_ time in his head,” she countered, frustration creeping into her voice. “He was trapped in that house for months. Being stuck with his thoughts…it’s going to drive him crazy.”

“Hey.” Morgan shot Emily a warning look. “Reid’s not crazy. Don’t say that.”

She raised her hands defensively. “I didn’t say he was crazy. All I meant was that he’s been completely closed off ever since Hotch told him about his mom. He doesn’t want to talk about anything that might make him feel better. It’s like he’s scared of having feelings again.”

“Wouldn’t you be?” Rossi asked, coming up from the pair from behind. They both turned, surprised, to face the older agent. “The kid survives a year of hell. Probably one of the only things he was looking forward to was seeing his mother again. Then he gets out and we tell him that his mom’s losing her memory and the doctors might not even let him see her until it’s too late. It’s more than enough to make anyone want to give up.”

The three stood in silence for a few seconds. Then, Morgan looked to Rossi. “So, what can we do?" 

Rossi looked at Reid through his hospital room window, then back at the other two agents. “Give him time,” Rossi said. “That’s all we can really do. He needs time to adjust to his circumstances. And he needs to know that we all care about him and that we’re not giving up on him.”

“Of course he knows we’re here for him,” Emily replied incredulously. “Reid knows that.”

“He knew that,” the older profiler corrected gently. “But he was trapped in that basement without any contact with the outside world for a year. It was only a stroke of luck that local law enforcement found him at all. Based on his experiences, I can imagine that he feels abandoned by us.”

“Rossi, we did everything we could,” Morgan protested. “We used every resource the bureau had and then some. We never gave up on finding him, never.”

“I know that,” Rossi reassured him. “And on a rational level, I know that Reid understands that as well. But part of him is still trapped in that room with the unsub. That fear is what’s controlling him, even though he tries not to show it.”

Emily shook her head, looking through Reid’s window into the hospital room. “Is he ever going to be the same?” she asked futilely. She knew even as she asked the question what Rossi’s answer would be. 

“No,” Rossi admitted. “But it won’t always be like this. The pain will get better. Eventually.”

“Eventually,” Morgan echoed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent a lot of time toying with the idea of killing Diana Reid, but couldn't make it happen. So she develops Alzheimer's, just like in the canon. I think Reid deserves to be able to at least say goodbye to his mother.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch loses his temper over Morgan losing his temper

Another week passed. Reid’s lungs grew strong enough for him to speak clearly, although he still needed supplemental oxygen from time to time. His hands were starting to heal thanks to a series of skin grafts on the worst of his burns. And he finished his course of antibiotics with no signs of infection, allowing him to finally be disconnected from his IV.

All of this should have been good news. But Reid was far from doing well. He never slept for more than a few hours at a time before being awakened by horrible nightmares. He barely ate or drank, losing the few pounds he had gained in the hospital and then some, prompting the doctors to wonder if removing his feeding tube had been a mistake. Once, when a doctor suggested that he consider taking an opioid to ease the pain in his mangled knees, Spencer screamed at the doctor and refused to let anyone else into his room for the rest of the day.

Reid’s room became a revolving door of psychologists, psychiatrists, trauma experts, and other professionals who thought they could reach him. They were all sent away politely but firmly with Reid’s insistence that he did not need to talk to them. He seemed determined to work through everything on his own. Spencer would ramble about his captivity to the point of inducing flashbacks, panic attacks, and dissociative episodes in himself.

Nothing the team said or did would convince him to stop. Nor could they agree on why it was happening. JJ thought it was a means of self-harm. Rossi thought it was an attempt at desensitizing himself to his trauma, or processing the events that had occurred. Hotch wondered if he was trying, in his own way, to help catch the unsub. Morgan figured he just didn’t want to be left alone in silence.

Finally, Derek had had enough. They all knew from experience that movements were a major trigger for Reid. So, as gently as he could manage, he opened the door and entered Reid’s hospital room.

The younger man stirred in his bed. He watched Morgan walk towards him. He sat down in a chair by Reid’s side. With a sigh, he clasped his hands together and locked eyes with Reid.

“Why are you doing this to us?” Morgan asked, trying to keep his voice low. Raised voices were another common trigger of Reid’s panic attacks.

“Doing what?” Reid asked, confused.

“Sending away your therapists, barely eating, refusing physical therapy and just not wanting to get better. Why are you doing this to us?”

“To you?” Reid asked incredulously. “Derek, my medical and personal decisions have nothing to do with you or anyone else. You have no right to come in here and accuse me of doing what, exactly to you?”

Derek clenched his jaw. He forced himself to take a few deep breaths to avoid showing Reid his anger. Finally, he spoke. “You’re killing yourself slowly, right in front of us. And we can’t take it.”

“Then don’t,” Reid replied, his voice quiet but containing a surprising firmness. “You’ve found me, and now you can leave. I don’t need any of you here.”

“Pretty boy-“ Morgan began. He was interrupted by Reid.

“Don’t call me that,” Spencer snapped, a sharp look in his eyes. Derek recoiled slightly at his friend’s reaction, then composed himself and nodded slightly.

“Reid, we’re not going to leave you. No matter what happens. We’re your family, and we love you. But we can’t just stand by and watch you keep hurting yourself like this. I know it’s hard, but we need you to try. Try and get better.”

Reid said nothing. He stared straight ahead, a blank expression on his face.

Morgan tried a new approach. “I know you wanted us here,” he said. “When you first got here, the hospital couldn’t identify you. You told them you were FBI. That’s how we found out where you were.”

“They were going to figure it out sooner or later. I figured their resources could be better spent somewhere else, so I told them. It’s common sense,” Reid replied in a quiet monotone. “And I know what you’re doing, Morgan. You’re trying to profile me, but you’re not doing very well. I know more about psychology than you.”

Derek flinched. Reid’s sharp words stung, but he tried not to take it personally. He reminded himself that it was the trauma talking, not Reid. But where did one start and the other end?

Morgan looked away for a second, then back at his friend. He had one last card to play, but he didn’t want to use it unless he had to. But he was sick of Reid pushing everyone away and tired of watching his friend deteriorate before his eyes. He had to do something, anything to persuade him not to give up.

“Your mom misses you,” Morgan started hesitantly. Reid’s eyes widened with shock. “I went to visit her a couple times. We all did.”

Words spilled out of Spencer’s lips before he could stop himself. “Is she okay? Does she know that I’m here? What kind of treatments is she getting? How far has her disease progressed?”

Morgan shrugged. “I don’t know,” he replied. It was a lie. The BAU had kept constant tabs on Diana Reid ever since her son had vanished. “You can see her yourself, but not until you get out of here.”

The hope and excitement fell from Reid’s face, replaced by a hard mask. “Are you…threatening me?” he asked in disbelief. “Using my mother as leverage so I’ll do what you want?”

“I just want you to fight. And if you can’t fight for us, that’s fine, but then fight for your mom.” Morgan stood up, shaking his head in frustration as he took a few steps away from Reid’s bed. “Damnit kid, just fight for something!”

His voice wasn’t loud, but the frustration slipped out in his tone and that was enough. The instant the words were out of his mouth, Derek knew he’d gone too far. He rushed to Reid’s bedside and reached out to him. “Reid, I’m so-“

“No!” Reid shrieked. He thrashed, weakly trying to push Morgan away. “Get off of me! Get off!”

“I’m not going to hurt you, Reid!” Morgan insisted. He knew Reid hated being touched, but he was scared the kid was going to hurt himself if he didn’t do something to stop him. He managed to pin down Reid’s arms for a moment, but his limbs were so thin that Morgan worried he would break him. Reid took advantage of this to slip out of Morgan’s grasp. He took another swing at Morgan, then threw his head back against the wall with a sickening crack.

“Reid, no!” Morgan cried out. He turned for a second to the partially open door. “I need some help in here!” He tried to grab Spencer’s head and pull him into his arms, but Reid was determined. He slammed his head against the wall again, and again, struggling against Morgan all the while.

“Leave me alone!” Reid screamed.

Suddenly, nurses came flooding through the doorway. “Out of the way,” one of them called out. Someone took Reid from Morgan’s arms. Another shepherded Morgan away from Reid’s bedside, and in his shock, he didn’t fight or protest. He let himself be led out into the hallway, where Hotch apprehended him. The rest of the team huddled a few feet down the hallway, all wearing confused expressions.

“What the hell happened in there?” Hotch asked Morgan. His voice snapped Morgan out of his daze.

“Hotch-“ he began, but his boss cut him off.

“You _threatened_ Reid?” Aaron asked incredulously. “You thought that would be a good way for him to trust us and open up? By holding his mother over his head and then yelling at him?”

“Hotch, I…” Morgan didn’t know what to say. He knew he’d made a mistake, and he was as angry with himself as Hotch was, but he needed to defend himself. “I wasn’t trying to raise my voice, I swear. I lost my temper. I only wanted to help.”

Hotch shook his head in disgust. “And not only did you not do that, you re-injured him and sent us back to square one in his recovery. How exactly do you expect him to believe that we’re trying to help when you’re flying off the handle right in front of him?”

Morgan hung his head in shame, an anguished expression on his face. “I’m sorry, Hotch. I really didn’t mean to hurt Reid. I messed up.”

Aaron set his jaw. “I don’t know what to say to you right now.” He looked through the window into Reid’s room, where two nurses strapped him into restraints as a doctor injected something into his arm. “I want you to go back to the house where they found Reid.”

“Hotch, we’ve been over the scene a dozen times,” Morgan protested. “There’s nothing there. I need to make sure Reid’s okay and that he knows I didn’t mean-“

“I don’t care. You need to go back to the scene and find us something new,” Hotch responded firmly. “Now.”

Morgan hesitated, looking into Reid’s room with a pained expression. He opened his mouth to argue with his boss again, but Hotch stopped him before he could get a word out.

“I _will_ remove you physically if necessary in order to protect my agent,” Hotch said to Morgan. “Don’t make me ask again.”

Morgan’s cheeks burned with shame. He knew Hotch was right, that he had crossed the line. All he could hope was that he hadn’t hurt Reid beyond repair.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch and Rossi have another heart-to-heart

The team scattered when they saw Morgan striding down the hallway. All of them wanted to know what had just happened, but one glimpse of Hotch’s body language was enough for them to know better than to ask. They stared at Morgan as he stormed past them, then quickly averted their gazes as Hotch approached. They held their breaths.

“JJ, I want you to talk to the institution where Diana Reid is and tell them they need to find a way to let her see her son,” Hotch ordered. “I don’t care what you have to say or do to make it happen. Just get it done.”

“Yes, sir,” JJ replied meekly. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and hurried off to make a call.

“I want Garcia and Emily in Reid’s room,” Aaron continued. Both women nodded. “As soon as he wakes up, I want to be notified. And get a nurse to remove his restraints before then. I won’t have him wake up like this.” The two hurried off to follow their orders.

“Rossi,” Hotch began. He looked to Rossi’s expression and faltered.

“Why don’t we go into the conference room?” Rossi suggested gently. Hotch nodded, and allowed the older profiler to lead him away.

Aaron and Dave sat across from each other at the conference room table. Rossi looked to his supervisor for a moment, then away. “I think we should talk about what happened,” he said.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Dave,” Hotchner replied. “Morgan crossed the line. I can’t have him around if he’s going to jeopardize Reid’s health and safety.”

Rossi said nothing. “You think I was wrong?” Hotch asked, daring the man to argue with him.

“I think you’re doing your best to help Reid,” Rossi said carefully. “You’ve always been protective of him; we all are. But you know that Morgan would never intentionally hurt Spencer.”

“What he intended to do is irrelevant,” Hotch replied dismissively. “Morgan saw what Reid went through; he should’ve known better.”

Rossi nodded slightly. “You’re right. But I think you know why he acted the way he did.”

Hotch was silent. He took a deep breath and looked away from Rossi. “He’s scared. We all are.”

“That’s why he yelled,” Rossi responded quietly. “Not because he was trying to scare Reid but because he’s terrified of watching him slip away right in front of him.”

“He was reckless,” Hotch retorted, although some of the steeliness in his voice was gone. “You saw it. He went into a massive panic attack. Reid’s been through enough; he doesn’t need Morgan to be repeatedly triggering him while he’s trying to heal.”

“You can’t protect him from everything,” Rossi said, his tone gentle and his eyes soft. “Things happen. We’ve all accidentally said or done things to trigger Reid since he’s come back to us.”

“So you’re saying that I was wrong.”

“I’m saying you’re doing your best,” Rossi reassured him. “And I think that Morgan made a big mistake. But I also think that Reid needs us, all of us, to be strong and stick together if he’s going to have any chance of getting better.” He held Hotch’s gaze for a moment.

Aaron sighed and looked away. He knew Rossi was right. Punishing Morgan wasn’t going to help anything. And as section leader, he needed to stand up for all his agents. Even when they got scared and made bad decisions.

“So, what do you think I should do?” Hotch asked. He knew he was in charge of the unit, not Rossi, but he needed some advice. He couldn’t do this alone. And through most of this ordeal, Rossi had been by far the clearest-headed out of all of the team. His years of experience gave him a perspective none of the other agents could match.

“Let me go with Morgan,” Dave suggested. “I’ll go over the scene with him one more time. Maybe there is something there that we’ve missed. And I can talk to him, calm him down and help sort things out.”

Hotch nodded. “Thank you, Dave,” he said. “I should go check on Spencer and talk to his doctors.”

“I think that would be a good idea,” Rossi replied. “Let me know when he wakes up?”

“Or course.” Rossi patted Hotch on the arm. The two men both strode off in opposite directions, both determined to do their part to fix the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if the events of the last two chapters haven't made much sense. I really just needed things to happen to push the plot along. I'll return to Reid's recovery ASAP though.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan returns to the crime scene to search for evidence

Morgan mentally cursed himself as he drove back to the house where Reid had been kept. Why didn’t he think before he spoke? Why didn’t he keep his voice down? Why did he have to bring up Reid’s mother?

_ You were only trying to help _ , a small voice inside his head reminded him. It sounded a little like Reid’s voice.

_ You screwed up _ , another voice argued. That one was Hotch.

_ You’re just like the man who took Reid. Just like Carl, _ a third voice chimed in.

Morgan shook that thought out of his mind. If the unsub got into his head, he’d never get it out. He needed to be thinking clearly if he wanted to help Reid. If reviewing the crime scene was the only thing Hotch would let him do to find the unsub, he would do that and do a damn good job at it.

When he pulled up to the remains of the house, Morgan looked around. It was a cloudy night, and only a few ambient lights barely made a dent in the darkness. He grabbed a flashlight and got out of his car. Ducking past the crime scene tape, he started sifting through what was left of the burned building. Most of the house had collapsed in the blaze, but some parts of the house were still intact, including most of a room that seemed to have been some kind of office space for the unsub. Derek decided to start there.

He’d only been on-scene for a few moments when he spotted a flash of light on the street. On a whim, he turned off his own flashlight and held his breath. According to local law enforcement, no one lived in the surrounding area.

Morgan held his breath as he hid, concealing himself in the shadows. He remained frozen, listening closely for any signs of life. There were none for almost a minute.

He was just about to conclude that he’d been mistaken and continue searching when another sudden movement caught his eye. Then another.

With a start, Morgan realized that there was a man approaching the crime scene. Instinctively, he rested his hand on his holster. His heart beat faster as he tried to size up the figure crossing the police tape. Derek tried not to breathe as he watched him kneel by the section of the house that used to be the basement.

Morgan willed his eyes to adjust to the darkness faster as the man examined wreckage just feet away from him. As quietly as he could, Derek unholstered his gun.

Not quietly enough. The man’s head snapped up, searching in Morgan’s direction for the source of the sound. Morgan saw him reach for something, and he didn’t think. He just reacted.

“FBI!” Morgan called out, shining his flashlight in the man’s eyes as he pointed his gun.

He froze for a moment. “Put your hands up,” Morgan ordered him. The man did as he was told, slowly raising his hands above his head. Then he lunged at Morgan.

Derek tried to fire his weapon, but his adversary was too fast. The gun fired into the air as Morgan was tackled to the ground. The agent’s firearm slipped out of his hand. As he went to retrieve it, the man pushed him down again. He reached for his own gun. The two men wrestled for control of the firearm.

Finally, Derek’s opponent landed a solid blow. He pinned Morgan to the ground and drew his pistol as the agent struggled underneath him.

A shot rang out.


	11. Chapter Ten

Morgan couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, as blood ran down his chest. He felt like he was being smothered.

And then a light shone in his eyes, and the weight was gone as Rossi shoved the unsub’s body off the agent. Morgan let out a shuddering breath as he took in the face of his colleague. 

“You okay?” Rossi asked, looking over Derek. He holstered his gun. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied, breathing hard as he sat up. Other than a few cuts and bruises, Morgan felt fine. 

“You should get checked out, just to be safe,” David told him as he checked the unsub for a pulse. There was none. 

“I’m fine,” Morgan insisted. “Thanks to you. How did you find me?”

“Pure luck,” Rossi admitted. “I came to help you with the scene.”

“And ended up catching our unsub,” Morgan said in disbelief. 

Rossi nodded. “We’ll have to wait for DNA to come back to confirm it’s our guy,” he cautioned the younger profiler. 

Derek gave the man a knowing look. “We both know it’s him, Rossi,” he countered. “Who else would come back to the scene with a gun?”

Dave sighed. He shook his head in shock. “I just believe it. The unsub was so careful. Why would he make such a careless mistake?”

Morgan shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just glad we got him.” 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Hotch apologized. 

Morgan sat inside the ambulance as EMTs checked him over. “It’s fine, Hotch,” he replied. 

Aaron shook his head. “No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have taken my feelings out on you. What happened to Spencer wasn’t your fault.”

“You were only trying to protect Reid. That’s all any of us want.” Morgan flinched as an EMT dabbed at a small cut on his forehead. “Besides, if you hadn’t sent me out here, we might never have caught the unsub,” he rationalized. 

Hotch gave him a half smile. “That’s true,” he admitted. “I’m just glad that Rossi was able to get here in time.”

“Me too,” Derek admitted. “A few seconds later, and the unsub would’ve had me for sure.”

He paused for a moment, looking away, then turned back to his boss. “Does Reid know that we caught him yet?”

Hotch shook his head. “He’s still under sedation. Emily and Garcia are with him at the hospital.”

“Right,” Derek muttered softly. He’d forgotten that it hadn’t even been an hour since he’d last seen Reid. It felt like weeks had gone by. 

“I don’t want to tell him until we’re sure,” Hotch told him. “I told them to put a rush on testing the unsub’s DNA, but until then, I think it’s best Reid doesn’t know what happened.”

Morgan’s brow furrowed. “You really think that’s the best idea? Don’t you think he’ll realize we’re keeping something from him?”

Aaron sighed and looked away. Morgan was right. Reid was too good of a profiler to miss something like that. “You’re right,” he conceded. “I just...I just worry that he might not be able to handle it.”

“He can,” Morgan replied firmly. “We’ll all be there for him. We’ll tell him together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I did kind of cheat with the team finding the unsub. I honestly didn't know how to justify the BAU catching him after he'd been so organized and careful for so long. But this story was supposed to be mainly about Reid and the team, so we'll get back to that in the next chapter.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid talks to the team about what happened

Reid stirred awake to find someone standing at the foot of his bed. He blinked a few times as the man’s face came into focus. “Morgan?” he asked groggily. 

“Hey,” Morgan said softly. “How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts,” Reid muttered. He looked around. Light streamed through the window into his room. “How long was I out?”

“About four hours,” Derek told him.

Spencer’s brain felt frustratingly slow. He was familiar enough with the sensation to know that it was from more than just hitting his head. “They gave me a sedative, didn’t they?”

Morgan nodded. “I’m sorry about that.” He meant it. He knew how much Reid hated any kind of drug that messed with his mind. 

“It’s okay,” Spencer replied weakly. 

“It’s not okay, but I appreciate you saying that,” Morgan said. “I really didn’t mean to hurt you. And I shouldn’t have used your mother against you like that.”

Reid nodded, then winced. The movement intensified the pain in his head. Morgan looked on with a concerned expression. “You okay?”

“Fine,” Spencer whispered as the pain subsided. “I’ve had worse.”

It was Morgan’s turn to wince at this, although he tried hard not to let his friend see. He changed the subject. “You know, JJ finally got in touch with your mother’s nursing home. They’re going to bring her to see you later this afternoon.”

The hopeful expression on Reid’s face was everything to Morgan. “Really?” he asked. 

Morgan nodded. “Really. You’re going to get to see your mom, pretty boy.”

The grin slipped from Spencer’s face. 

“Did I say something wrong?” Morgan asked anxiously. He recalled how his friend had reacted the last time he’d called him by that pet name. “Is it something about-”

“He called me a lot of different things,” Reid blurted out. “Everything except for my name. But usually he just referred to me as ‘boy’.”

Derek looked away. “I-I didn’t know. I’m sorry, Reid.”

Reid nodded. “You couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault. It’s just...when you call me ‘pretty boy’, it just reminds me too much of him,” he explained. 

“Of course,” Derek replied. “I understand.”

The nervousness in Morgan’s posture was almost imperceptible, but Reid picked up on it anyways. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Derek glanced out the window to the hallway, where he could see the rest of the team gathered. He nodded. “Yeah. There is.”

“What is it?” Reid asked. His eyes narrowed as he noticed the cuts on Morgan’s face. “What happened to you?”

Morgan sighed. “There’s something we need to tell you. Something happened when you were out.”

He took a step towards the door. “Don’t leave me, Derek,” Reid warned him. 

“I’m not leaving,” he reassured Reid. “But what we need to tell you...I promised the rest of the team that they’d all be here when we told you.”

“What is it?” Reid asked again as Morgan motioned for the other members of the BAU to join him inside the room. Reid looked around at his team’s faces as they gathered inside. “What’s going on?”

Morgan looked to Hotch. The supervisor gestured for him to go ahead. 

“I went back to the scene to look for new evidence,” Morgan told Reid. 

“Okay.” Reid’s brow furrowed. “Did you find something?”

Derek nodded. “We found the unsub.”

“We think it’s the unsub,” Hotch added quickly. “We’re waiting on DNA to confirm his identity.”

“You think it’s the unsub?” Reid asked. “Did he confess?”

Morgan glanced at Hotch and then back at Reid. “He’s dead, Reid.”

“You killed him?” Reid asked in confusion. 

“He pulled a gun on Morgan,” Rossi explained. “I didn’t have a choice.”

Spencer was quiet for a long moment as he processed this. His expression was unreadable.

“Spence?” JJ asked softly. “What are you thinking?”

He closed his eyes for a moment before speaking in a clear, quiet voice. “I can identify him.”

The team exchanged confused glances. “I thought he always wore a mask,” JJ said, perplexed. “In all the videos, we never saw his face.”

Reid avoided her gaze. “He didn’t film everything.”

“You saw what he looked like?” Hotch asked warily. Reid nodded slightly. 

“You don’t have to identify him,” Morgan told Reid. “We have his DNA on file. We can run it and have the results back in a few days.”

“I want to.” Reid’s resolve was firm. “I want to know if it’s really him.”

He sighed as the team exchanged another set of worried looks. “Don’t try to protect me,” Reid said tiredly. “If it really is the unsub, he’s already dead anyways. I can handle seeing him.”

Hotch pressed his lips together. He knew he’d agreed to stop trying to shelter Reid from the truth, but this felt like too much. There was a fine line between helping Reid to heal and pushing him too hard, and he wasn’t sure which side this fell on. As strong as Reid was, Aaron knew there was a part of the young agent that didn’t always know what was best for him. 

“You don’t have anything to prove, Reid,” Emily said. “We know you can handle it. You just don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t have to. I want to,” Spencer countered. He turned his gaze to Hotch expectantly. 

Aaron hesitated, then nodded. “I’ll call the morgue and ask them to send a photo of the unsub.”

“Hotch,” Morgan protested, looking at his boss in disbelief. All the other agents looked equally surprised by his decision. 

“It’s up to Reid,” Hotch said calmly. “If he wants to identify the body, we’ll support him.” He shot Morgan a stern look. 

Morgan shook his head. “I don’t agree with this,” he said, looking at Reid. “I think it’s completely unnecessary. But if this is what you want, I’ll support you.”

Reid nodded. “It is what I want,” he replied. “Thank you.”

“We should let you rest,” Rossi suggested. “Your mom will be here in a few hours. I’m sure you’ll want your energy for when you see her.”

Spencer nodded again. “Thank you,” he repeated. 

“Of course,” Hotch responded.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team returns home

Reid positively identified his captor later that day, and DNA testing later confirmed that the man Rossi had killed was indeed the unsub. Hotch had made the right decision to let Reid. Although Reid continued to suffer from flashbacks and panic attacks, they lessened in both frequency and intensity. WIthin a few days, he was declared well enough to be released from the hospital. 

Diana Reid was also invaluable in her son’s recovery. Although her mental status had declined since she’d last seen Spencer, the two still shared a bond that couldn’t be broken. In one of her more lucid moments, Spencer persuaded Diana to agree to be transferred to a care facility near Quantico. She flew back on the BAU jet with the rest of the team, not letting go of her son’s hand once during the entire flight.

After helping Mrs. Reid get settled into her new living facility, the team drove back to FBI headquarters. Although their section chief had temporarily taken the team off duty, all the agents still had piles of paperwork to catch up. 

“Are you sure you’re ready to go back?” JJ asked Reid, concerned that returning to the FBI would stir up painful memories. “You don’t have to come back to Quantico just yet if you’re not ready.”

“I want to go back,” Reid replied. “It’s been a long time, and I’ve missed working with you guys. Plus, I need to get a psych eval before I can return to duty.”

Everyone except for Hotch (who was driving the SUV) turned to look at Reid in shock. “You’re going to return to duty?” Emily asked. 

He nodded and shrugged. “What did you think I was going to do?”

“Take some time off, maybe,” Morgan suggested, looking to Spencer with concern. “You’ve been out of commission for months, and you just got out of the hospital.”

“And what do you want me to do with all that time?” Reid asked. “I’m going to physical therapy and seeing a psychiatrist every other day. Having nothing else to do all day is driving me crazy. I want to get back to work.”

“Reid, you can’t even walk,” Derek argued. It sounded harsh, but it was the truth. The doctors in Las Vegas had told Reid that the gunshot wounds to Reid’s knees would likely leave permanent damage. “And you’re still having daily flashbacks. Everything in our cases is going to be a trigger for you. You can’t do the job right now.”

“I’m not going to be in the field,” Spencer agreed. “That doesn’t mean I can’t help you guys. I can work geographical profiles, analyze linguistic patterns, interview suspects, whatever you need. I don’t even have to leave my desk.”

“Hotch,” Emily said, trying to pull the supervisor into the discussion. “Do you think it’s a good idea for Reid to return to the job?”

“Do you think it’s a good idea for you to talk about me like I’m not even here?” Spencer countered.

“It doesn’t matter what any of us think,” Rossi interrupted before the team devolved any further into the argument. “The bureau will evaluate you, Spencer. Everyone will respect whatever decision is reached.”

“Of course,” Emily muttered reluctantly. The rest of the team echoed similar words of begrudging agreement. 

Hotch pulled the car up in front of the FBI building. “All of you can get out here. I’ll park the car and meet you inside.”

The agents all climbed out. Emily and Garcia retrieved Reid’s wheelchair from the back of the SUV. JJ helped Reid out of the car. He leaned on her heavily as she assisted him into his chair. Reid gave a small nod of thanks as Morgan took the handles of the wheelchair.

The BAU entered the building and took the elevator to their floor. As the door opened to the bullpen, everyone turned to stare at the newly returned team. When they spotted Reid, the FBI agents stood up from their desks and burst into applause. 

Reid shifted in his chair uncomfortably as he gave a weak wave to the crowd. Someone called out his name, and Spencer visibly cringed. Behind the young agent’s back, Dave shook his head at the agents and made a slashing motion. They quickly quieted down. 

“It’s good to have you back,” one agent said, as she approached the BAU team. Reid struggled to look at her face. The sheer number of people was overwhelming, not to mention all the other sights and sounds. 

JJ noticed Reid’s breaths get shallower. “Why don’t we go into my office?” she suggested. Reid nodded gratefully, his lungs wheezing slightly. Morgan pushed his wheelchair faster. 

“Thank you,” Reid said as his breathing calmed down a little. 

“It can be overwhelming, I know,” JJ replied. “They’re all just glad to see you.”

Spencer smiled faintly. He looked through the window to the bullpen, where agents were getting back to work. “I’m glad to see everyone, too. It’s just a lot.”

“You can take all the time you need,” Emily said gently. “There’s no rush.”

Reid nodded. He looked around at his team. “All of you can get back to work,” he said. “I know Hotch said that everyone had a lot of paperwork.”

“You sure you’re good, kid?” Morgan asked. 

“I’m fine,” Reid replied. “I think I’ll just stay here for a little while, if that’s okay with you.” He looked to JJ. 

“Of course it’s okay with me,” JJ responded. “We’ll be fine.”

“Well, you know where to find us if you need anything,” Emily told them. Her words were directed to JJ as much as to Reid. 

The rest of the team left the two alone. JJ sat down at her desk and looked at Reid. “You know, we haven’t talked about where you’re going to be staying.”

Reid’s forehead wrinkled. “What do you mean?”

“We all assumed you wouldn’t want to go back to your apartment after...what happened there.”

He shuddered as he remembered the unsub pinning him down in his bed. “I can get a hotel or something,” he suggested.

JJ shook her head vigorously. “No way,” she insisted. “I already talked to Will, and he’s more than happy to let you stay with us.”

“I don’t want to impose,” Reid said doubtfully. 

“Don’t be silly,” JJ replied. “You wouldn’t be imposing. If anything, it would make things easier. You could come with me to work on the days you need to come to Quantico.”

Reid still looked skeptical. 

“Plus, you’d get to spend a lot more time with Henry,” JJ pointed out. She knew that would sway him. “He’ll be waiting for us when we get home tonight.”

That got Reid. He hadn’t seen or spoken to his godson since before he’d been taken by the unsub. “Okay,” he agreed readily. 

JJ smiled. “Great,” she said. “I’ll text Will and let him know to prepare the guest room.”


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid goes home with JJ and gets to see Henry and Will

There was a knock at the door. “Come in,” Hotch called, looking up from his computer. 

JJ pushed open the door to Hotch’s office. “Sir, I just wanted to let you know that Reid and I are going home for the night.”

“He’s staying with you and Will?” Aaron asked. JJ nodded. “Good. How’s he coping with being back here?”

“He seems to be doing pretty well,” JJ admitted. “He was nervous when we first got here, with all the people looking at him and trying to talk to us, but he calmed down as soon as we got to my office. He even napped on my couch for a little while. I think he feels safer now.”

“That’s a positive sign,” Hotch agreed. “Let me know how things go tonight. If you need help or if anything at all happens-”

“I’ll call you,” she promised. 

The agent turned to leave. “Wait,” Aaron called out. 

She spun back around. “What is it, sir?”

Hotch met JJ’s gaze. “I know Reid has been eager to return to work. And he’s determined to show us that he’s ready. But he still has a lot of recovering to do.”

JJ nodded. “I know, Hotch.” She was equally familiar with Reid’s need to prove himself. 

“If you need to take some time away from the team to take care of him, I just want you to know that we’ll support you one hundred percent,” he said. “And we’re all here for you. Whatever he or you need, just let us know.”

“Of course,” JJ responded. She smiled at her boss. “Thank you.”

JJ closed the door behind her and turned to Reid, who waited a few yards away. She gave him a quick smile. “Ready to go?” she asked as she approached him. 

He nodded. “Come on,” JJ said, taking the handles of his wheelchair. “Let’s go home.”

JJ looked back at Reid as she inserted her key into the door. “You ready?” she asked. Reid’s head bobbed up and down. 

She turned the key and eased open the door, then helped Reid inside. “Henry?” JJ called as she shut the front door behind them. “Henry, there’s someone here to see you!”

The young boy appeared in the entryway almost immediately. His eyes widened as he saw Reid. “Uncle Spencer!” he cried out. He launched himself into his godfather’s lap. Reid yelped in pain as Henry landed on his knee. 

JJ hurriedly pulled her son away. “Careful,” she warned him, looking to Reid for any sign that Henry might have triggered something in the young man. But other than his physical pain, Reid seemed perfectly comfortable in the boy’s presence. 

“You have to be gentle with Spencer, okay?” JJ told Henry. He nodded, and JJ released him. Henry hugged his godfather again, more carefully this time. 

“I’ve missed you, Uncle Spencer,” Henry said, looking lovingly at the agent. 

Reid smiled back at the boy and stroked his hair softly. “I’ve missed you too, Henry. You’ve grown up so much since I last saw you.”

Henry noticed the scars that covered Reid’s arms. His face filled with concern as his brain tried to piece together Reid’s long absence, his bandaged legs, and his emaciated frame. “What happened, Uncle Spencer?” Henry asked as he gently touched one of the healed cuts. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Spencer replied, voice cracking slightly. “I-” He faltered when he realized he had no way to explain what had happened to him. He couldn’t tell his godson the truth. Henry was far too young for that. 

“Uncle Spencer had to go away for a while so he could find a very bad man,” JJ offered, repeating the same half-truth she had told her son many times over the past year. Spencer shot her a grateful look. 

“Did he hurt you?” Henry asked innocently. 

“Only a little,” Reid lied. “Not too much.”

Henry turned to his mom. “Is Uncle Spencer going to have to go away again to find the bad man?”

JJ shook her head firmly. “No, he’s not,” she replied. “He’s going to stay right here with us.”

The boy grinned again. He looked at Reid. “You’re staying with us?” he asked. 

Reid nodded and ruffled Henry’s hair again. “I sure am,” he replied affectionately. 

Henry gave his godfather another hug, then climbed down from Reid’s lap. “Daddy!” he called out. “Uncle Spencer is going to stay with us!”

Will appeared in the entryway a moment later. He gave Reid a warm smile. “I know,” he said, putting his hand on Henry’s shoulder. “Now, why don’t you go wash your hands? Dinner is almost ready.”

Henry nodded obediently and ran off, leaving the adults to themselves. Will looked over Reid. “It’s good to see you, Spencer.”

Reid nodded. “It’s good to see you again, too,” he replied. “Thank you for letting me stay with you.”

“Of course,” Will responded. “If you need anything, please let us know. We’re all very happy to have you here.”

“Thank you,” Reid repeated. “I really appreciate it.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but I sent Will to your apartment to pick up some of your clothes and things,” JJ said. “They’re in the guest room.”

Reid nodded. “Thank you,” he said again. 

“If there’s anything we forgot, just let us know and one of us can get it for you,” JJ continued. “We mean it, Spence. We’re glad to have you here.” She smiled at Reid again, thinking to herself once again just how lucky she was to have her friend back. Reid stared off into the distance.

“So, who’s ready for dinner?” Will asked, breaking the silence. “I’m sure both of you’ve missed having a home-cooked meal when you’ve been gone.”

“I know I have,” JJ said, a little too eagerly. “Spence?”

Reid shook his head. “I’m sorry, Will. I really appreciate that you cooked for us, but I’m just really tired.”

“Oh,” JJ said. “Of course. It’s been a long day. Do you want to rest in your room for a little while?”

“That would be nice,” Reid admitted. He let JJ push his chair down the hallway. 

“Well, here’s your room,” JJ said awkwardly, gesturing into the guest bedroom. “I know it’s not much, but…”

Reid took in the room. It was small, but it was clean and warm. There was a neatly made bed, a chest of drawers, and a small couch. The walls were decorated with a few pieces of art, and a woven rug covered much of the floor. “It’s great. Thank you, JJ.”

She nodded. “Do you want to lie down for a bit?” 

“I’d like that,” he replied. JJ parked his chair near the foot of the bed, then helped Reid get up. Together, they eased his body into bed. She reached for the covers, trying to help tuck him in, but stopped when she saw him flinch and pull away from her. 

“I’m sorry,” she apologized quickly, taking a few steps back. JJ tried not to think too much about what the unsub had done to Reid not too long ago on a different mattress. 

“It’s not your fault,” Reid told her. “I just...it’s easier if I do it myself.”

“Of course,” JJ replied. She let him arrange the blankets around himself, then watched as he settled onto his pillows. 

“Are you good here?” JJ asked. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

Reid shook his head. “I’m just going to rest here, if that’s okay with you. You should go eat with Will and Henry.”

“All right,” she responded. “I’ll bring you a plate in a little while, okay?”

“Okay,” Reid echoed, his eyes already starting to flutter closed. JJ backed out of the room and then paused in the doorway to look at Reid. Her hand rested on the light switch, but she hesitated. 

“Do you want me to turn the lights off?” she asked. 

Spencer opened his eyes and looked at her. “No, you can leave them on.”

“Okay,” JJ said, letting her hand fall to her side. “I’ll check on you soon.”

“Okay,” Reid muttered sleepily. “Thank you.”

JJ nodded. She slipped out of the room without another word, leaving Reid to doze off alone.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry asks questions about Reid as he struggles on his first night with JJ's family

“What happened to Uncle Spencer?” Henry asked as he sat with his parents around the dinner table. Will and JJ exchanged a look. 

“He was with a man who did some very bad things,” JJ told her son. 

“Why did the man do bad things?” he questioned innocently. JJ took a deep breath. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to explain her line of work to Henry, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last, either. 

“We don’t always know why people make bad choices,” Will explained gently. “But when they do, it’s the job of people like your mom and your godfather to make sure they don’t do them again.”

Henry nodded and shoved a forkful of food into his mouth, seeming to accept his parents’ explanation. For a moment, JJ hoped the line of questioning would end. But then he swallowed his food and looked back up at his parents. “Did the bad man hurt Uncle Spencer’s legs? Is that why he can’t walk?”

JJ nodded. “Yes, the bad man did hurt Spencer,” she replied. “But it’s okay, because he’s here with us now and the man who hurt him isn’t going to hurt anyone else.”

“Is Uncle Spencer going to get better?” Henry asked. 

“He is,” JJ said firmly. 

“Good,” Henry said as he filled his mouth again. JJ bit her lip as she pushed food around her plate. 

Will looked to his wife, noticing her uncomfortable posture. He decided they could all use a change of subject. “So, Henry, why don’t you tell Mommy what you’re been doing in school since she’s been away?” JJ shot Will a look of thanks as Henry eagerly began to recount the events of the past week. 

After dinner was over, Will excused Henry to go play in his room. The husband and wife cleared the table together. 

“How is Spencer doing?” Will asked gently. 

JJ sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “He’s getting better,” she said honestly. “It’s a process.”

Will nodded solemnly. “Does he talk about what the unsub did to him?”

“He does,” JJ told her husband. “The things he went through...Will, it was just awful.”

Will put an arm around his wife’s shoulders. “I know, JJ.” He hadn’t seen the tapes, but JJ had told him enough that he knew he never wanted to. 

JJ rested her head on her husband’s chest. They held each other tightly. Will stroked his wife’s face with a gentle touch, then kissed her forehead. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered. “Spencer is going to be okay.”

The blonde agent kissed her husband back. She reluctantly pulled out his embrace. “I should go check on him, see if he wants dinner,” she said. 

She hovered in the doorway of Reid’s bedroom, watching his chest rise and fall with a slow, even rhythm. The agent looked even younger and more fragile in his sleep, but he seemed to be resting peacefully. JJ decided not to try to wake him up. She flicked the lights off and closed the door behind her, leaving Reid alone in the dark room. 

JJ returned to the kitchen and joined her husband at the sink with the dirty dishes. He handed her a newly cleaned glass and she dried it with a towel. “He’s still sleeping,” JJ reported. “I didn’t want to disturb him.”

Will nodded. “He needs the rest,” he agreed as he scrubbed food off another plate. “Is he going back with you to Quantico tomorrow?”

“I don’t know yet,” JJ replied. “Spence wants to have his psych evaluations done as soon as possible so he can return to work, but I think he needs more time.”

Her husband looked thoughtful. “What does Hotch think?”

“I don’t know what Hotch thinks,” JJ admitted. “He doesn’t want to push Reid too hard, but he also knows that we can’t protect him from everything. And I don’t know if having more time alone with himself will make things worse or better.”

“We all want what’s best for Spencer, but none of us really know what that means,” Will summed up. JJ nodded. 

“Well, if he doesn’t come to work with you tomorrow, he can spend the day with Henry and me,” he offered. “We can go to the park, or maybe visit a museum together. Or, if going out is too much for Spencer, we can stay in the house. I’m sure Henry will be happy either way.”

“I think that would be a good idea,” JJ agreed. “Thank you for doing this.”

“JJ, I’m not doing this as a favor. I’m helping Reid because it’s the right thing to do. You know he’d do the same for us in a heartbeat. And you know I care about him just as much as you do.”

JJ smiled at her husband. “I know,” she replied. “But I’m still grateful.”

The couple stood side-by-side in silence, with Will washing the dishes and JJ drying each one with a dishtowel. When they were done, Will gave JJ a quick kiss on the cheek. “It’s good to have you back,” he said. 

“It’s good to be back,” JJ responded. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone so much over the past few months.”

Will shook his head. “JJ, you have nothing to apologize for. It’s the job.”

“I’ll be home more now, I promise,” she said. “Now that Spence is home.”

Her husband smiled. “I can’t wait.”

JJ smiled back at him. “I should check on Henry,” she said. “He might-”

Their conversation was interrupted by a piercing scream. JJ’s hand instinctively went to her holstered firearm as she took off in the direction of the sound. She threw open Reid’s door to find the young man thrashing wildly on in his bed. 

“Spence,” she cried out as she tried to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. “Spence, it’s JJ. You’re safe.”

Will arrived in the doorway a moment later. “JJ?”

“He’s having some kind of nightmare or flashback,” JJ said. “Spence, can you hear me?”

Reid kicked and flailed. His limbs tangled in his blanket as he struggled, eyes squeezed tightly shut. “No,” he shrieked. “Please, don’t!”

Will flicked on the light and joined JJ by Spencer’s bedside. He caught one of Reid’s arms as he swung it wildly, narrowly missing JJ’s head. “Spencer, wake up.”

Reid’s eyes snapped open. “Stop him,” he begged as his gaze locked on Will’s face. “Please.”

“Spence, you’re safe,” JJ said again, trying to break through his panic. “It’s just JJ and Will. No one’s going to hurt you.”

The fog cleared slightly from Reid’s eyes as he heard JJ’s voice. He looked around, still breathing heavily as he slowly stopped struggling. His forehead shone with sweat, and his cheeks were pink. 

“Spencer?” Will asked. “Are you alright?”

Reid’s limbs went limp. Slowly, he nodded. 

“Did you have a nightmare?” JJ asked gently. Reid nodded again. He pulled his covers up, a flimsy layer of protection for his body. 

Henry appeared in the doorway. “Uncle Spencer? Are you okay?”

Reid nodded and gave Henry a weak smile. 

“Uncle Spencer just had a bad dream, Henry,” Will said, trying to keep his tone light. “Everyone’s fine.” Will shot JJ a look, and she gave him a quick nod as her husband retrieved their son and scooped him into his arms. “Why don’t we get ready for bed?” He carried the young boy away. 

JJ gingerly sat down on the edge of Reid’s bed. “Are you alright?” she asked gently. 

“I’m fine,” Spencer replied. He coughed and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. ”Just a nightmare.”

JJ nodded sympathetically. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Reid’s eyes darted towards the doorway where Henry and JJ had just exited. “It was about Henry.”

“Henry?” JJ asked, confused. 

“He was with me. With the unsub,” he clarified. 

JJ bit her lip, trying not to cry in front of her friend yet again. Slowly, she reached out to Reid and placed her hand on top of his. He didn’t pull away. 

“I know it was just a dream,” Reid said quietly. “Henry’s safe and the unsub’s dead. None of it was real.”

“It’s okay to still be scared,” JJ reassured Spencer. “It’s just your body’s way of dealing with stress.”

Reid nodded. “I know. I just…” He turned his head slightly, away from JJ, so she wouldn’t see the upset on his face. “I hate feeling like this.”

“I know,” JJ said. She didn’t know what else to say. “And I know it’s not enough, but we’re here for you. All of us, whatever you need.”

His eyes flickered back to her face. “Thank you,” he replied sincerely. “It means more than you think.”

JJ smiled sadly. “Is there anything I can get you right now? Food, water, books, company?”

Reid hesitated. “Water?” he ventured after a moment. Even after his hospital stay, where every need of his had been provided automatically, he still found it difficult to know what he wanted or needed. “And maybe company? If you don’t mind staying with me for a little bit?”

“Of course I don’t mind,” JJ replied, standing up from the bed. “I’ll be right back.”


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer reveals to Will that he's been keeping a secret from the rest of the team

JJ retrieved a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. She turned around to see Will standing in the doorway. 

“How’s Henry?” she asked. 

“He’s fine,” Will reported. “I told him Spencer had a bad dream and we talked about it a little bit. I’m just starting his bath now.”

“That’s good,” JJ said, relieved. She set the water glass down on the counter and turned to face her husband. “I’m glad he wasn’t too scared by what happened.”

Will nodded. “Is Reid okay?”

JJ sighed. “For now, at least. He had a nightmare about being back with the unsub and it shook him up pretty badly.” 

“That’s understandable,” Will said. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I’m just getting him some water,” she told her husband. “He asked me to sit with him for a while.”

Will nodded again. “If anything happens, just holler, okay?”

JJ smiled slightly. She picked up Reid’s cup to take to him. 

Will woke up around seven o’clock and went to check on Reid. He found the man lying with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling motionless. 

“Spencer?” Will asked. Reid’s eyes flicked to the doorway, where Will stood watching him. “How long have you been up?”

“Not too long,” Reid told him. He propped himself up on his elbows to look at the clock on the nightstand. 

“Do you want to get up?” Will offered. “JJ’s making breakfast.” 

Reid nodded, pushing himself into a fully seated position. He eased his legs off the side of the bed, and Will wrapped an arm around Reid’s waist to help him stand. He eased Reid into his wheelchair and unlocked the brakes. 

“You seem to be doing better this morning,” Will said. Spencer gave him a quizzical look. “Better than last night, I mean.”

“What are you talking about?” Reid asked. 

“You had a nightmare,” Will told him, scanning Reid’s face. The profiler didn’t appear to be joking. “Don’t you remember?”

Reid’s brow furrowed as he tried to recall the previous night. He blinked a few times, then shook his head. “I remember coming home, seeing Henry and you, and then going to bed. That’s it.”

Will’s expression transformed to one of concern. He shook his head. “You woke up after an hour or so. JJ said you had some kind of nightmare. The two of you stayed up half the night, talking in your room.”

Spencer gave him a wide-eyed look. “I don’t remember any of that,” he admitted. 

Will thought back to what he had learned about PTSD from his police days. He knew the classic symptoms - anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks - but he also vaguely recalled that PTSD could cause other issues. “Have you had dissociative symptoms before?” he asked gently. 

Reid hesitated, and WIll could tell that he was trying to decide whether or not to lie. After a few moments of reflection, he decided to come clean. “At the hospital,” he admitted. “I lost a few chunks of time. And sometimes I...kind of left my body? But I didn’t want everyone to worry, so I didn’t tell them. Please don’t tell anyone.”

He considered this for a moment. “I won’t tell anyone,” Will finally promised. “But I think you should talk to someone about what’s going on. Maybe Hotch or Rossi. They might be able to help.”

Spencer was quiet. 

“You know they won’t think any less of you, right?” Will asked. “None of us. We’re all just amazed that you’ve been through what you have and that you’re still here.”

“I know,” he said. “But-but it just doesn’t feel like enough. I want my old life back, Will.”

Will sighed. He knew there was nothing he could say or do to make that happen. “I’m sorry, Spencer.”

“It’s not your fault.” Reid struggled to put on a brave smile. “Why don’t we go get some breakfast now?”

Over breakfast, the family talked about the upcoming day. 

“Since JJ’s going into work today, I thought it might be nice for the three of us to spend some time at home,” Will offered. 

JJ smiled. “A guy’s day? Sounds like fun.” She looked to Reid. 

Reid nodded. “That sounds good to me, too,” he said. 

“Me three,” Henry piped up, making the adults smile. “Can we play chess?”

“Chess?” Reid asked in surprise. 

Henry’s head bobbed eagerly. “I want to learn how to play chess like you, Uncle Spencer. Can you teach me?”

Spencer reached over and ruffled Henry’s hair. “Of course,” he said, grinning at his young godson. He turned to look at JJ. Chess? he mouthed. She just shrugged and smiled. 

“Well, you boys have a fun day,” JJ said as she stood up from the table. She carried her plate to the sink and grabbed her bag off the counter. 

“We will,” Will promised.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will, Henry, and Spencer spend some quality time together

It turned out that Henry didn’t quite have the attention span for Spencer to teach him chess, so the three entertained themselves by playing other games. They’d worked their way through Uno and Life, and were just about to decide between Clue and Jenga when they were interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing. 

“I’ll get that,” Will said immediately, jumping up and hurrying off to answer the phone in the kitchen. “You two can pick the next game and set it up.”

Reid looked to Henry. “What do you think? Clue or Jenga?”

“Jenga,” Henry replied, pointing to the box on the top of the shelf. Spencer smiled. He relished how his godson had inherited his love for building things. Maybe one day he’d be an engineer, too. 

Spencer eased himself into a standing position, trying to minimize his pain. As he pulled the game from the bookshelf, a cloud of dust sprayed into his air. Reid caught some of the particles in his lungs and immediately began to cough. 

“Uncle Spencer?” Henry asked as Reid collapsed back into his wheelchair. “Are you okay?”

Reid nodded weakly. “Dust,” he choked out, trying to control his breathing. “Your parents...really need to clean more often.” He gave the boy a playful smile. 

Henry nodded earnestly. “They do,” he agreed. As the coughing fit subsided, Reid handed the box over to Henry. He opened it and eagerly dumped the blocks onto the table. Together, the pair began to build their tower. 

Will returned from the kitchen, still clutching the phone. “It’s JJ,” he whispered to Reid. “She just wanted to check in and make sure everything’s fine.”

“Everything’s great,” Reid replied. Henry nodded in agreement. 

Will turned away to relay the message to his wife. He walked back into the kitchen, then returned alone a moment later. He joined Henry and Spencer at the table, helping them to put the final blocks in place. “JJ says that she’ll probably be home early. She said she’ll pick up dinner on the way.”

Spencer nodded. “Sounds good.” He gestured towards the game. “You can go first.”

Will drew a piece from the middle of the tower and placed it gently on top of the other blocks. The stack held firm. 

Henry went next, selecting a block on one of the bottom rows and carefully easing it out. He placed it next to his father’s. 

Reid stared at the tower, carefully weighing his options before settling on a piece of his own. His slim fingers gently extracted it from a tricky position and set it on top of the tower. 

As Will reached for another block, Henry suddenly had a question for his father. “Now that Uncle Spencer is back, does that mean that you have to go back to work?”

Will’s hand jerked, almost knocking over the entire stack of blocks. “What?” he asked. 

“You stopped working when Uncle Spencer left to go find the bad man,” Henry explained. “Since the bad man is gone now, do you have to go back to work again?”

The father shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “I don’t know yet,” he admitted. “But I promise, I’ll let you know as soon as Mommy and I figure it out.”

He sensed Reid’s eyes on him, and knew there was a conversation he needed to have without his son around. “Hey, Henry,” Will said. “Remember that model plane you and I made together last week? Why don’t you go get it and show it to Spencer?”

Reid smiled as Henry ran off, but as soon as the boy was gone, the grin faded. “What did Henry mean about you quitting your job?” he asked quietly. 

“I left the force a while ago,” Will told him, realizing that JJ must never have mentioned it. 

“Why?” 

Will sighed and looked away. “There were a lot of reasons,” he replied evasively. 

“Was I one of those reasons?” Spencer asked. When Will didn’t answer, he grew more insistent. “You don’t need to sugarcoat things for me, Will. I’ve missed out on so much, and I just want to know what’s going on now.”

The man gave a reluctant nod. “JJ and I made a pact when Henry was born. One of us had to make it home. No matter what happened.”

Reid’s brow crinkled as he nodded. “I remember,” he said. 

“When you...were taken, the Bureau had so many different leads to follow. Domestic terrorism, organized crime, human trafficking, you name it, they suspected it. Aaron sent the team out on any case he thought could possibly be tied to your unsub. But with me on the force, JJ couldn’t put herself in that kind of danger.”

He processed this. “So you quit? So JJ could try to find me?” 

Will nodded. He leaned back in his chair as he recounted the events. “JJ never asked me to leave my job. But she didn’t have to. The guilt of not being able to do anything in the field was going to destroy her. I knew there was more she could do for you than I ever could, and Henry needed a parent.”

Reid was quiet for a moment as he processed this. “JJ’s lucky to have you,” he concluded after a long moment. “And so am I. Thank you.”

Will shrugged awkwardly. “It was the best option.”

“But still,” Spencer said. “I really appreciate it.”

“We’re family,” Will replied. “That’s what family is for.”

Just then, Henry came back with his model airplane. “Look, Uncle Spencer,” he crowed as he tossed the plane. 

“Whoa,” Reid said as the toy wobbled through the air. It landed on the table a few feet away from him. “That’s so cool.” He leaned forward to retrieve the plane and throw it back to Henry, but was stopped by another round of coughing. 

“Spencer, are you okay?” Will asked, jumping up from his seat. He hovered about Reid, concerned. “Do you need your inhaler?”

Reid tried to tell him that he was fine, but couldn’t get the words out between coughs. He gasped for breath, then nodded. 

Will rushed off to retrieve the inhaler. Henry stood by his Spencer’s side. His expression was worried, but he remained surprisingly stoic. “It’s okay, Uncle Spencer,” he said, placing his hand on top of his godfather’s. “Daddy will be right back with your medicine.”

In the background, the two of them could hear Will searching for Spencer’s medicine. Meanwhile, Reid was doing his best to try to stay calm as his breaths grew shallower. “Daddy!” Henry called out. “Spencer’s not breathing well.”

His father rushed back to the table, inhaler in hand. “Here,” he said, shaking the medicine and removing the cap, then handing it over to Reid. The man quickly placed his lips around the mouthpiece and pressed the button., trying to breathe in as deeply as possible. Almost immediately, he could feel the medicine start to work. He took a few more puffs before his breath returned. 

“Feeling better?” Will asked worriedly. 

Reid nodded. “I’m all good.” He smiled reassuringly at Henry, who watched with concern. “Just a little cough.”

“Are you really okay, Uncle Spencer?” Henry asked. 

“I’m sure, Henry,” Reid replied. He leaned in closer to the boy and smiled conspiratorially. “Trust me, I’m a doctor.” Henry giggled. “But just in case, I’ll keep this with me.” He put the inhaler in his pocket and gestured towards the unfinished game of Jenga. “Whose turn is it?”

“Mine!” Henry chirped.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

JJ didn’t even make it to her office before she began getting peppered with questions from the rest of the BAU. 

“How’s Reid?” Emily asked. “Where is he?”

“Is he settling in okay?” Rossi wondered with concern. 

“When’s Spencer planning on coming back?” asked Morgan. 

JJ held up her hands, and the team fell silent. “Spence is at home with Will and Henry. He’s being taken care of and he’s safe. He did have a nightmare last night, but we worked through it and he was doing fine when I left. If anything changes, Will has instructions to call me immediately.”

Hotch and Rossi seemed to relax at this, but the rest of the team still looked anxious. “Look, I’ll call Will right now to check in,” she offered, holding up her cell phone. She walked into her office to make the call. 

JJ emerged a minute later. “Everything’s fine,” she reported. “Just like I said it would be. Don’t you all have work to do?”

“They do,” Hotch said, his tone kind but firm. “Reid’s in good hands, and the bureau doesn’t pay us to stand around and worry about him. Let’s try to get some work done today, alright?”

The agents nodded sheepishly and returned to their desks. Aaron lingered in the doorway for a moment. 

“Hotch?” JJ asked, her expression questioning. 

Hotch took a few steps into the office and gave JJ a compassionate look. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” she replied automatically. 

He shook his head. “I know it can’t be easy, taking care of Reid. He’s been through so much, and I know it’s been taking a toll on all of us. Especially you, since you’re living with him. Are you sure everything’s fine?”

JJ nodded. “I hate hearing about what he’s been through,” she admitted. “Last night, he woke up screaming because he’d had a nightmare about the unsub taking Henry. It was terrifying.”

“I can imagine.” Hotch replied sympathetically. “If it ever gets too much, please, let me know. I’d be more than happy to let Spencer stay with me, and I know that the rest of the team would love to play host to him as well. Just say the word.”

The agent shook her head. “I can handle it,” she insisted. “He’s my friend. Letting him stay over is the least I can do.”

Now it was Hotch’s turn to shake his head. “JJ, you’re not the only one here who cares for Spencer. We all do. He’s part of the family, and we all want to help. It’s not your job alone to make sure he’s alright.”

“It’s no trouble,” JJ protested, although she knew Hotch was right. 

“Just let us help. That’s all I ask,” Aaron said. “You’d be doing the rest of the team a favor. You know how concerned they are.”

JJ nodded, smiling slightly. “Alright, Hotch,” she conceded. “I promise I won’t try to take on all of this myself.”

“Is it weird that I miss Reid?” Emily wondered aloud. “I mean, I know we saw him last night, but I just…”

“I know what you mean,” Morgan said from the other side of the bullpen. “We should go check on him.” He started to stand up from his desk.

“No, we shouldn’t,” Rossi countered. The others all turned to look at him. “I know it’s hard to not know how Spencer’s doing every minute of the day, but he doesn’t need us hovering over him all the time. That’ll only make him uncomfortable. Plus, we have work to do.”

Morgan sighed. He knew Rossi was right. “I just want to see him,” he said. “He was gone for so long, and I know it’s not the same thing, but it’s just hard to be away from him.”

Rossi nodded. “I know. But you have to remember that it’s not the same. Spencer’s safe and we can still see him. Just not in the middle of the workday.”

Emily eyed the stack of files on Morgan’s desk. “Hey, you know what?”

“What?” Derek asked. 

“If we get our work done early, maybe JJ will let us go home with her to see Reid,” suggested Prentiss. “Wanna race?”

“Only if JJ and Spencer are okay with it,” Rossi warned. 

Emily shrugged. “Whoever finishes first gets to find out.”

Morgan nodded. “Deal.” They both dove into their paperwork. Rossi smiled in spite of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there's not much action in this chapter. I'm still exploring a few avenues for where I want the story to go next. Let me know if you have any thoughts or suggestions!


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid tries to keep the flashbacks at bay
> 
> (CW for self-harm)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know it's been a while. But better late than never, right? Let me know what you think of this chapter!
> 
> I'm also working on a couple of other stories kind of in the same vein as this one (which is to say, a lot heavier than the stuff I usually write). So for those of you who are into the darker CM fics, keep an eye out for those!

Will knew it was a bad idea to leave Spencer alone. He really did. But Henry was begging for yogurt and Reid would do almost anything to make his godson happy, so he persuaded Will to make a grocery run.

“We’ll be quick,” Will promised. “You’ll barely even notice we’re gone.” His eyes shot Spencer one last look, letting him that it was okay to change his mind. But the younger man just smiled.

“Don’t worry about me,” he assured Will. “You and Henry can get whatever you need. I’ll be fine here.”

“Okay,” LaMontagne replied doubtfully. “Remember, JJ and everyone are going to be back in a while.” JJ had called about an hour before asking if the team could come over for dinner. Reid had agreed enthusiastically.

“Alright,” Spencer replied. He sat on the couch and waved to Will and Henry until the door closed behind them.

After a few minutes, Spencer got off the couch to use the restroom. He made his way down the hallway and managed to just squeeze his wheelchair through the bathroom door. Then he cursed when he realized his chair wouldn’t fit past the bathtub. He wished he’d asked Will to help him before he left. But he didn’t know when Will would be back, so instead, Spencer leaned against the counter to stand. Pain shot through both his knees, but he managed to pull himself upright using mostly his arms. It was only a few feet to the toilet. He could do it.

Reid made it two steps before falling to the ground. He cursed again, aloud this time, and tried to get up. But he was too weak. His limbs collapsed underneath him every time.

Immediately, a memory came to mind. He’d been beaten until he lay in a pool of his own blood, dizzy from the pain. His captor had ordered him to get up, but he was too weak and his hands and knees kept slipping on the blood-covered floor. Spencer had begged the man to stop, to let him rest, but he hadn’t. He’d just kept beating him, probably for hours, over the agent’s perceived disobedience.

_No_, he thought to himself. He knew that he was about to go into a flashback, and that was the last thing he wanted. _Stop it. Focus._ Reid dug his fingernails into his palms. It helped a little, but not enough. _I need more. Something stronger._

His eyes fell on Will’s razor which lay on the edge of the bathtub. It was the kind with a removable blade, perfect for the job. Spencer felt a little bad for stealing it, but at the moment he was too desperate to care. He hoped his friend would forgive him. Reid extricated the blade, which was more difficult than he’d expected. He touched it to the back of his hand and felt the cool edge against his skin. Already it was working so much better than his fingernails. Reid gently pressed down the blade and drew it across his skin. Nothing happened. There wasn’t even a mark.

Frowning, he tried again. This time he succeeded in drawing a few drops of blood. But it didn’t hurt. It wasn’t enough.

He got it right on the third try, blood immediately flowing. The cut stung, but he was used to pain. He’d had much worse. And with the pain came such a feeling of clarity. He felt more focused and in control. He was alive.

Fueled by that clarity, Reid made another cut. Then another, then another. Each cut ventured just a tiny bit deeper than the last. And with every drop of blood that he drew, he felt a little more.

Spencer lost track of how many times he cut himself. The rational part of his brain told him to stop, that what he was doing was dangerous and unhealthy. But he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this good. He didn’t want to stop. Not ever.

Not, at least, until the bathroom door flew open.


End file.
